The Old Diary
by SweetDragonsSong
Summary: Kurt could forgive Blaine for not showing up on their date, for not texting or calling for an explanation, for not answering the door at his house, for not running down the stairs to greet him. For forgetting to tell him... Slightly OOC First Fic!
1. The Old Diary

**A/N This is my first Fic! **

**The Grammar Sucks (and Spelling)**

**I make no sense… But I love it any way **

**Its dark and depressing, cause being happy is hard to write about.**

**Read Review**

**And maybe I'll get better!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee…. If I did, Finn would be killed tragicly, Blaine and Kurt would never age, St. Berry would be back already, And Quinn and Puck would grow old together… Oh and I would be rich! **

Kurt looked down at the small diary, it was rough around the edges stained and crinkled from water marks and ripped slightly in some places. This old small book once held his deepest treasures and secrets once held what he thought the world should be about, that everyone should understand. The Diary was his mothers, from long ago and as it was only half full when she passed, the day Kurt turned 13 he decided to place only the most important things in the book.

He stiffened as he read through the pages where his story started. He was 13 the first day I wrote in it. There was something special about this page, something abnormal and comforting. It was a small singular drop of blood. The first that he had spilled… purposely. It was the first of many razors of many drops of many scars. He read a little of the passage, how young he was merely filled with the feeling of guilt instead of pleasure he use to remember the crimson liquid would bring. No matter how fleetingly, it always brought pleasure.

There were tear stains for pages on end, about how he wanted to stop, how he wanted to change. Then a there was a year he didn't write anything, it wasn't important, he was 14 and it meant little, especially when he had his cuts and no friends.

The next entry to grab his attention was one about him coming out, and how he had been maiming his beautiful skin more and more, how the scars on his legs and chest to longer to heel, (he never cut his wrists he never wanted to be so clique). He wrote about being scared that they never would, that he would be forever stuck with scares. His hand traced a thin line above his shirt that he knew the deepest one was, the one where he tried to cut out his own heart when Rachel and Finn got together. Such a stupid reason he mumbles now that he looks back at it, Immature and stupid... but necessary. He got over Finn after that. There were more childhood woes and angst he had before his sophomore year, being called fag, being slushyed losing to vocal adrenaline. The summer and being alone, yet again. He smiled at the memory of the long days spent mutating his skin. There always was a erotic feeling to losing blood something that always made his body twitch with excitement.

But then he went to Dalton, and something seemed to change, he didn't need to slice his skin open any more. He had his own way to abuse himself. It was one word.

Blaine

He had quickly fallen in love with the boy, the way his voice changed and the gleam in his eyes brightened whenever he sang. It made Kurt think he was special, that Blaine was sing to him. And because he knew that the boy wasn't it made Kurt's twist in pleasure at the thought.

There were times when would cut just to have an excuse to wear a scarf. (His neck was his knew favorite place to mutilate.) And even Kurt Hummel needed an excuse to wear one in the middle of spring.

But then Blaine kissed Kurt and Kurt got better. He felt happy, he threw away all the unneeded razors all the unneeded thoughts all the insults and for the first time since Kurt heard his mother speak the 'C' word he let himself be happy.

The last entries in the Diary were all about the boy he called his. About how much he loved him, how crazy he made him, how easy it was to forget about his… obsession around the curly haired boy. Then there was the last page, the one that he thought he would never fill, never need a reason too. That was until his and Blaine's fight. It wasn't small, like the one on Valentine 's Day, but it wasn't huge either. It was about that good for nothing boy, that angelic sing voice he dragged all the way from California just to see Blaine again,(and Rachel, but Kurt was ignoring that fact)

It wasn't until Jesse St. James called Blaine 30 minutes before a date with Kurt, to say he was five minutes away from his best friend's house, his best friend being Blaine Anderson. Kurt was fine with Jesse St. James being there and would even understand that the date (Which he had prepared for 3 hours for) had to be canceled. What upset Kurt the most was the fact that Blaine never canceled the date. Kurt sat in 'their' booth at breadsticks for two hours, waiting for his boyfriend to call.

Kurt would have easily forgiven Blaine if he had called the next morning to explain, sure he would have been mad (Anyone would be) but they would be together now, happy and smiling while Jesse was off trying to get Rachel to forgive him for his past mistakes.

But Blaine didn't call, so Kurt (Being Kurt) woke up the next morning tears still shining in his eyes having no idea why his vice and coping mechanize had not called or texted. Got dressed in his normal Saturday outfit, and in fear of Blaine being mad at him he baked cookies that Blaine would do anything for and then he drove over to Blaine's house.

If Blaine had opened up the door and explained why he didn't call or Text or show up last night Kurt would have forgiven him, but Blaine didn't answer the door. His mother did.

His mother (Who liked Kurt and his cookies very much ) told him _they_ were in the kitchen. Kurt, who thought she misspoke as she often did when slightly more than under the influence, nodded his way towards the kitchen.

He would have forgiven Blaine for not answering the door or calling or texting or showing up last night if the boy had run down the stairs with a smile on his face and kiss him like crazy making it all go away. But Blaine didn't so Kurt walked on.

It wasn't until he heard laughing from the kitchen and Blaine's voice shouting. Kurt was confused but he let his feet continue on. That's when he enter the bright kitchen that Mrs. Anderson loved so much to see a taller curly haired boy holding something high above his head as Blaine tried to jump and grab it. With every jump the shorter one, Kurt's boyfriend, moved closer to the taller one (It took a moment for Kurt to recognize the egotistical smile of Jesse St. James).

If Blaine had turned around then Kurt would have forgiven him for not running down the stairs or opening the door or calling or texting or showing up the night before. There would need to be an explanation (as anyone would demand). Because Kurt would actually be happy to see Jesse St. James again because that would mean Rachel would be happy.

But Blaine didn't so Kurt stood as he watched both boys laugh and come closer and closer together. They both had charming smiles on their faces, or at least Jesse did because Blaine's back was now facing Kurt and Jesse was laughing. Blaine was pleading with him.

"Please J-man," he said in the voice Kurt new he used whenever he tried to be adorable. Jesse shook his head and Kurt gulped when he assumed Blaine was leaning against Jesse, no longer jumping and the older boy only had eyes for his boyfriend.

If the younger boy had just felt Kurt walk into the room (Like how Kurt did whenever Blaine arrived) he could have forgiven Blaine for not telling him about Jesse, or running down the stairs or meeting him at the door or calling or texting or Showing up the night before.

But Blaine didn't know, in fact he continued having fun with St. James. _J-man_ was what his boyfriend had called the college boy. "Come one Blaze" St. James chuckled "It's the last cookie" and Kurt's eyes rose up to the thing in the college boy's hands. A chocolate chip cookie. The ones Kurt had made last Saturday for Blaine. "There is no way on this planet am I sharing it with you,"

"If you don't I might have you use desperate measures" his boyfriend warned.

"Bring it on Blaze" St. James said with a cocky smirk

Kurt could imagine Blaine's eyes sparkle in a daring way as everything slowed down as he watched the scene play out. Blaine moved slowly up but not to his tippy toes, it didn't require work to meet the older boy's lips. It was something he couldn't do with Kurt (As Kurt was taller than Jesse). He saw _J-man's_ eyes close and then a part of his face began to move as the hand holding the cookie suddenly sunk lower to where _Blaze_ could read it.

Then it clicked, Blaine was kissing Jesse St. James.

Kurt could forgive Blaine for not showing up on their date, for not texting or calling for an explanation, for not answering the door at his house, for not running down the stairs to greet him. For forgetting to tell him Jesse St. James was in town, and so close to Blaine, for teasing him and having stupid nicknames that Kurt never had with him, for flirting and for being happy.

But there was one thing that killed Kurt, the masochistic part of him and all. Was the feeling his stomach fell out of his chest, for watching Jesse St. James's eyes open and meet with Kurt's and the words that Blaine said as he pulled away. "Surprised J-man?"

Jesse was staring stupidly at Kurt, and it was the few seconds of silence that passed that made Blaine turn around, that made Kurt drop the container of cookies he had baked and looked his boyfriend in his eyes. "It's okay J-man" Kurt spat trying to not let the tears over flow in his eyes, "I made more," It was that last word that made him turn on his heels run out of the house and start his car, before Blaine made it to the porch shouting his name as Kurt drove away.

It was that night that Kurt wrote the suicide note in the last page of his old mother's diary. It was that night that he mutated his skin so badly that he had to wear long sleeves and a scarf just for them to not show. It was that night that Kurt felt desperate, that he beat up his phone that he turned off all music all song all thought.

Kurt looked up at the entrance of _The Lima Bean_ as Blaine entered. His gut rushed with excitement. He was happy when Blaine was around, he knew he shouldn't be. After all it was only a week ago that he and Jesse St. James were kissing over a cookie.

Kurt forced a painful and pitiful smile as Blaine sat down looking at the Medium Drip Kurt had ordered him. Just like every Saturday. There was a few seconds of silence before Blaine spoke. "I" he cleared his throat "I didn't think you would be here" Kurt inhaled, did that mean he didn't want him to be here, that he was waiting for Jesse that he had already moved on. "I hoped you would be" The older boy clarified.

Kurt took a sip of his coffee not speaking. They sat in silence for a few minutes more. The shop was busy and restless, there were a few people Kurt knew from around town whispering in the corner, but he ignored them. Silence seemed to go on forever but both Kurt and Blain knew it was Kurt turn to break it.

"So" he said with a smile "Jesse St. James is back in town?" Blaine looked up startled almost afraid, and unsure what to say.

"Kurt I am so"

But Kurt cut him off "He was always to cocky for my taste, and too straight, but I guess dating Rachel doesn't mean you're straight as you've done it." It was said in such cold manor that Blaine was scared by it. "And I guess he's my type too, Rachel's sloppy seconds." Blaine wanted to interrupt but he was startled by the sudden slip of the scarf. Blaine stared at the red cut along his boyfriends creamy neck, "You like it?" Kurt whispered to Blaine, "It's what I do when I'm upset" he said smiling now as he boyfriend sat in shock "Blaine," he said softly

"Kurt" it was a whisper and Blaine met Kurt's eyes. "I'm sorry, I'll do anything"

Kurt cut him off once more. "You get 1 mess up in this relationship because Blaine I can't live through another" It was honest. "I need you to get better, I can't live without you, you're my best friend my first kiss, my first day dream, my first heart break and eventually my first love" He passed the Diary to Blaine. "I need your help" He said as he stood up walked over to Blaine kissed his temple and then his lips lightly and walked out of the coffee shop, leaving his boyfriend with the ratty old book in his hands, a quickly cooling medium drip, and a sinking feeling in his stomach when he finally reached the last page, only to realize that Kurt hadn't dated the note. That everything he wrote in it was still inside him, and it would be tomorrow and the day after that and next week.

Blaine stood up and walked quickly out the door.


	2. The Scripted Note

**A/N**

**So this is the requested Sequel! I'm super happy people liked it enough to ask for another one. I'm thinking of doing another one after this but only if people want it. **

**So there are Spelling mistakes and Grammar mistakes and lots of other things...**

**But I enjoy writing so enjoy and have fun.**

**Review! **

Blaine was fourteen the first time he kissed a boy (or anyone). It was simply for a game of Truth or Dare and when dared to kiss the person to his right, so he reluctantly placed a kiss on Matt's or Mark's (Blaine couldn't remember) lips. At the moment their lips touched Blaine fell in love with kissing. It was so intimate so close and so different that the idea made him shiver in delight.

It was of course against his luck when his father walked into the room the moment he pulled away from his peer's lips. He had never seen his dad so furious before. He watched the man he looked up to turn from his normal pale shade turn a deep ruby red.

It was the night of many firsts for Blaine. It was the first night Blaine listened to his parents yelling below his bedroom. The first time he heard the word Fag or Gay. It was the first time he heard something crash against a wall or shatter on the floor. It was the first time her heard his mother cry, and the first time he smelled the disgusting smell float threw his house. The smell of alcohol.

But it was also the night of lasts. The last time Blaine heard his father speak directly to him, the last time he felt happy, and the last time he closed his eyes and whispered his words to a God he thought he knew.

It was the one kissed, he was convinced that set off a whole chain of advents leading to what he was suppose to do.

It wasn't until the next year that he remembered the feeling of kissing some one. This time it was a girl. And she kissed him. It was quick and he hardly remembered it as she ran away giggling with her friends. That was how Blaine was welcomed to High school.

Blaine's first quarter was great, fantastic in fact. He auditioned for the high honor of being a chorus member of Vocal Adrenaline, and was welcomed with open arms. He had new friends, people knew his name and more specifically he felt that he wasn't wrong or broken. He could get through silent Dinners and quiet nights. Empty seats when he preformed at his church, he could understand and forget. It wasn't until he was auditioning for a solo that everything changed. He remembered looking up and having this pull towards a tall curly haired boy.

Most people believed that Blaine must have been persistent to get the attention of Jesse St. James. But he wasn't, in fact all he had to do was smile politely at the boy across the room and nod. It was Jesse that first approached Blaine. It was Jesse who introduced himself first, and it was Jesse who first called Blaine a friend.

They spent every afternoon together, getting coffee, talking and sometimes singing. Blaine would smile and learn from Jesse. He made a checklist of everything that could possible make him like the Junior Boy.

1) Drink Medium Drips (Medrip as both Blaine and Jesse called them) at any Coffee Shop. 2) Grin and smirk whenever you can. 3) Confidence 4) Sing 5) Always pay for coffee 6)Never Fall in Love unless its to late.

It wasn't until they had been friends for a few months that Jesse asked him _that_ question.

"Blaze?" (A nickname that Jesse had chosen from a list of names Blaine approved of) The younger boy hummed in response. "Are you gay?"

They were in Jesse's car, a 2009 GMC Sierra, and Blaine suddenly felt the large truck was too close, too small, and too intimate. There was silence in the car as Blaine thought and Jesse drove. It wasn't until Jesse park outside of the coffee shop. "I don't know" was all he said.

Jesse nodded and they got their Medirps in silence. Jesse paid, he always did. They went back to his car and Jesse drove a little while going no where in particular. It wasn't until the silence went on for an hour when Jesse pulled to the side of the road. "Why?"

Blaine leaned his head back and placed his undrunk cold coffee into the cup holder. "I" he started and looked at Jesse. "I think guys are cute but so are girls, however the idea of having sex with a girl is unappealing but I've never done it with a guy, so I don't know." It was the simplest answer he could find and Jesse nodded.

"Well then try?" He said looking at Blaine like he always had an older mentor, a big brother.

"With who?" Blaine asked harshly "I mean this is Ohio, if some one comes out of the closet its front page news."

"Well," Jesse thought for a moment. He then looked at the boy and leaned in slowly giving him plenty of time to pull away. But Blaine didn't.

The kiss was slow, it was different then kissing Mark/Matt or Abby (The girl who kissed him his first day) but it wasn't a fairytale. It was nice, and fun. It made him feel closer to Jesse then he ever had but it wasn't right. Blaine pulled away.

Jesse's face said it all, he knew he wasn't gay but there was some sort of pull between them, something connecting them. "That was…. Nice?" Blaine said confused.

There was a second of silence and then they both started to cackle. Laughing their asses off, the awkwardness was gone and all that was left was Blaine and Jesse, J-man and Blaze. They discovered there new way of saying things when they couldn't have words. It was as simple as a kiss, and every time it felt comfortable.

It wasn't until after Christmas that the rumors started (how he doesn't know), that was when people avoided Blaine like the plague and that the bulling started. It was never physical, just mental just emotional. But it was still hurtful.

He could remember standing in the cafeteria and everyone looking at him the whispers only think he could hear. He remembered placing his food down on the table and standing up on his seat, and he remembered shouting. "YES, the rumors are true" he looked down at Jesse only to find him smirking up at him. "I'm Gay" and the cafeteria was silent. Or it was until Jesse and the rest of Vocal Adrenaline started a round of applause.

But the sound of clapping hands didn't help the whispers and the stairs, it didn't help the hurt. As spring break came around it got worse and worse. And Jesse wasn't around, he went to California to Visit UCLA (after a quick Goodbye Kiss) and because of that Blaine wasn't protected.

That was the first time Blaine got hurt, he was pushed down some stairs. He had to Miss Regional's and later National's. He completed his first year at home.

But Jesse came after school every day. And every day the smiled at one another. It was that summer that he discovered Dolton; it was that summer that he and his father built the Ford F150… in silence.

Dolton was a way to start over and Blaine took it in stride. He remembered being happy, being the new star and finding others just like him. Although he was the only boy out of the closet, he felt safe (he still stayed clear of stairs).

He saw Jesse every weekend, and they stayed close. That was until Jesse got a girl. Rachel. He didn't know her but he knew she made Jesse happy. Although a girlfriend smudged the rules about there own way of communication, they kissed once when Jesse went to Florida for spring break, it was a goodbye. Blaine had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be seeing his best friend for a while.

And he didn't.

He still thrived in school, he still sung with the Warblers, and he was almost happy. He didn't hear his parents fight anymore. He didn't crave his fathers voice and most of all he was okay being gay.

It had been three months since he had talked to Jesse when he almost ran into a boy who obviously was not a student at Dolton.

That was the day He fell in love.

Kurt quickly became his new Jesse, but there was something else there. He felt it he just didn't want to embrace it.

What he felt was pleasure and need. He needed Kurt Hummel's hand in his, needed his warmth near him and his voice radiating threw his body. He just didn't know it. It was the day that Kurt called him in hysterics crying about something that happened. The first thing that came to mind was that he had been beat up. (Blaine had cringed a little remembering when he was beat up)

'The Kiss' was a reminder of how fragile Kurt Hummel was. It took one little thing to break him down. At that point in time it was a 'friends only' zone where Kurt was involved. (If it turned into a St. Blaine like friendship Blaine didn't mind)

He knew Kurt was depressed, any one would be in his situation, (Blaine had considered cutting once but he was too stubborn to do so instead he would Call Jesse crying his eyes out over voice message). Then Blaine discovered the real thing he was torturing himself with, his feelings for Kurt. Instead of telling Kurt how he felt, he placed it deep inside himself and just used the excuse that it was the same feelings he had for Jesse. Friendship.

But then Blaine discovered his fourth most important kiss in him life. The one where his lips touched the boy he had refused to fall for, but he failed miserably. Each and every kiss was better than the last. There was a feeling a of need of intimacy that he had never felt with Matt/Mark or with Abby or even in Jesse's old Sierra. This was something new, something to sing about something worth facing the silence of his father's disapproving look. Because every single kiss reminded Blaine of how much he wanted to look his father in the face and just shout. "I'm in love and I want you there when he has Dinner with us on Sunday night!"

That's exactly what he did.

One day after Kurt had transferred back to McKinley, Blaine couldn't take not being able to go to his parents house and not be able to use the excuse 'I don't want to drive as long to pick up my BOYfriend' (As The Anderson's lived closer to Lima then he did at Dalton) he raced into his house after parking his GMC Sierra (Jesse's old one), up to his dad's study opened the doors and shouted "Dad I'm in Love…" and there sitting across from his father smirked a curly haired Jesse St. James looking tired but amused at Blaine's out burst.

It was the laughing and joking that lead to Blaine not calling Kurt to cancel his date, for them pulling an all-nighter and eating Cookies that Kurt had made. It was the cookies that caused Blaine to go search out more, and it was Jesse's stomach that had him fallow. It was the Slap happy state of mind that caused them to argue over the very last cookie. It was the overwhelming feeling of Blaine having his best friend back and the sudden need to be closer to his J-man that made him lean towards the older boy's lips and kiss him.

'Kissing had only ever been romantic with Kurt.' Was all that the young boy could think of before he pulled away and turned around seeing Kurt dropping a container onto the ground Everything after that was a flash of unfamiliarity and hurt. He remembered Jesse trying to figure out what happened and why Kurt Hummel was in Blaine's house.

Once Jesse had pieced everything together from a nearly catatonic Blaine he just sat there holding Blaine.

For the next week, Blaine went to classes but did not speak, did not sing and he only communicated with Jesse (Who was trying to make amends with Rachel). The next Saturday Blaine entered the coffee shop and saw the boy who made his heart flutter. He wanted to blurt it out then, that he loved him that he was sorry. He wanted to explain the whole story and beg for Kurt to understand.

But Kurt being Kurt didn't. And Blaine didn't love him any less. He wanted to correct Kurt that his type wasn't sloppy seconds of Rachel. But Blaine froze because that's exactly what it looked like, Finn and himself being the only boys Kurt had admitted to liking.

It wasn't until Blaine held the diary in his hands that he realized exactly what he had caused.

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_I am a gay boy, living in a place and time where I am not accepted. I am not liked by any one other then rag dolls and misfits themselves, and even then I am on the outside. I can not blend in like the people who are like me. I cannot be a football player, or a fisher. No matter how many times I try to rebuild a car or score the winning field goal, I cannot be one of them. _

_I am a rainbow in a sea and cloud of grey. Not even grey, but either the purest of whites or the most midnight of blacks, I stick out like a candle in the dark. Whether my voice be my give away or my amazing fashion sense, I can not be separated into gray nor white. _

_I am a victim, not only of someone else, as they shove me against a locker or wall, but of my own, as my own cuts and bruises leave deeper and more vibrant scares. I hide them behind winter scarves and long sleeves. I hide them by faking confidence and breaking other spirits. _

_I don't know how I died, as I'm assuming I am dead if you are reading this. I suppose at this time in my life I wouldn't mind watching my red blood blend with a white suite or even my T-shirt (perhaps my own homemade one that Mr. Shue required us to make one week in Glee club). _

_I want this known that I also do not know why I am doing this. At this moment it could be the possibility of being second one more time, or the possibility that the boy I love could only look at me as a broken porcelain doll, but tomorrow it may be because an oversized brainless homophobe pushed me so hard that I couldn't handle it any more._

_I also want it known that I know I am hurting people with this, that I am making more damage then I am fixing, but to all those who love me they must know that they have nothing to do with my choice. Not my Dad or Carole. Not something that Finn said or Rachel did. Not a fight between my Diva and Mercedes. Not another rejection that Mr. Shue gave me, or Blaine not loving me as much as I loved him._

_This is me._

_The true me, scares and everything. I know I want to see the Sunrise one more time, which is why this letter remains undated. I don't know what day today is, or what month or even what year._

_But I know that I will need help. Someone to wake me up someone to tell me to get better. Someone to be willing to tell people something I cannot because I know that if that doesn't happen soon, this letter will have a date on it._

_Sincerely and with kind regards,_

_Kurt E. Hummel_

Blaine repeated the letter in his head over and over again.

He sat in his room looking down at a text that Jesse had sent telling him that he would be unavailable that night as he and Rachel had a date. Blaine was going through thoughts in his head, he had heard about what happened to suicidal people. Where they end up. In hospitals and they never come out the same. Blaine was now pacing, in a way that he only did when he was overwhelmed. The stench of alcohol hit his nostrils and he growled in frustration.

His mother was drinking again, his father was in his office again and he had no idea what to do. He wanted help needed it. He paced for a little while longer. He then heard his father and mother fight, it must have been because of the lack of dinner provided. He heard his father's door slam and suddenly he was moving to the office. He opened the doors and slammed them behind him and his father was looking up at him with an unreadable expression.

"I'm in love." He started out and saw his father take a deep sigh and look down and files of his work. "LISTEN" he shouted and suddenly his father was looking at him again his face covered with a shocked expression. "I am in love with a boy named Kurt Hummel" this time his father didn't look away. "He is smart and funny, witty and exactly like mom use to be."

Mr. Anderson's attention was slipping again as he took a large sigh and tried not to roll his eyes as he mumbled something under his breath. Blaine was breathing heavy now having no idea what he was going to say or what he was even doing their in the first place. "And I messed it up because I kissed someone else" he said as he watched his father's eyes glaze over as he wasn't listening anymore. "Listen" he said once more and Mr. Anderson's eyes slid into focus again. "He is strong and charming, he knows about cars better than you do. He can sing better then I can and he is polite and I am completely and totally in love with him"

He slid closer to the desk where Mr. Anderson was sitting and he took a seat on the couch where Jesse St. James had sat less then two weeks before. "You and mom fight all the time and you never talk to me any more" His father opened his mouth as if to argue but he closed his mouth and remained silent.

"Dad, I don't know what I'm saying" There was a long pause between the two men one broken and the other uncaring.

For the first time in four years his father spoke directly to him "What do you want Blaine" it was so cold so harsh that Blaine recoiled.

"I… I need your help dad" Mr. Anderson pursed his lips.

"With what?" Blaine memorized this moment, seven words in four years.

Blaine pulled the dairy from his hand and gave it to his dad the last page open. His dad placed his glasses on his nose and glared at his son and started to read it. The change in his dad was amazing as he watched the hard look turn to confusion to pity to something unrecognizable. He knew his dad had long finished reading but there was a thick silence in the air Blaine dared not to break. He looked up at his son and finally Blaine broke the quiet "What do I do dad?"

Mr. Anderson closed the Diary. "If your boy… Kurt wants help then there are places" But Blaine's father looked at his son a look in his eye "There is a Hospital that helps with people suffering what Kurt is going threw…" he paused "Do you want me to call them?" Blaine didn't say anything just nodded. "Do you have Mr. Hummel's number?" his father asked "I would like to call him" Blaine wrote down Burt's number and handed it to him.

Mr. Anderson picked up the phone and looked at his son "Thank you" was all he said but Blaine understood that the thank you was for going to him and asking for help. His father was a therapist after all and he knew how to deal with things like this. Blaine nodded and walked out of the office door and closed it just in time to hear his father introduce himself to Burt.

Blaine raced upstairs and grabbed his phone, _I love you_, was all he sent to the younger boy he loved with all his heart "I love you" he said aloud to the empty space. For the first time in for years, he did not hear his parents screaming at each other till past midnight, his father spoke directly to him and for the first time in so many years, he bowed his head and prayed.

**A/N Sooooo…. Triquel? Lol about Kurt in the Hospital? It could be cool, and maybe a little about Mr. Anderson?**


	3. The Classic 5 Steps

**I Made up a character **

**Yes I did, hahaha **

**Suck it up if you don't like Original Characters. **

**But Grammar and Spelling are mine as well **

**If you don't like it then offer to be my Editor! **

**Cause I need one.**

The darkest time of the night was slowly slipping away. Dawn was falling closer with every tick of the clock in the kitchen. Although it was the middle of the night the Anderson's house still had the lights twinkling on the street. There were three different rooms illuminated in the Ohio darkness. The first was the third floor of the large house. It was lit by a ceiling light, making the room bright and harsh to the occupants if they had just awoke.

But Blaine Anderson had been awake, his phone gripped to his chest and his arm hidden beneath another person snuggling into his side. His hand was stroking the long black hair of Danni (his sister). She was fast asleep in his arms and with her percents an air of required calmness surrounded. She was only 10 months younger then Blaine. She was a year behind him, a year younger but so much more wiser then he was.

She was pretty, easily corruptible and the most innocent girl Blaine ever knew. But beyond her brother's selective opinion on her, she was everything Blaine wished he could be. The only thing she lacked that he did not envy for was her lack of singing voice. But what she lacked in singing she made up for in talent on the stage and writing. Her voice was loud and she never backed down when it came to stating her opinion. Blaine smiled down at the girl.

He couldn't remember a time when she didn't appear when Blaine needed her. That day he came out in the school cafeteria, she knew just what to say. His first week at Dolton, the first time he met Kurt, and last Saturday. She was always there and tonight was not exception, She came not 10 minutes after sending his text to Kurt with the favorite blanket in hand (As she insisted Blaine always stole the covers) and a sleepy smile on her face demanding for Blaine to scoot over and let her get comfortable.

Blaine's smile faltered, she had told him that whatever he was thinking about could wait for morning. Blaine didn't correct her, didn't want to remind her. She had to be protected from this situation because if she was informed about what was going on with Kurt, she might fallow him, might go join him, and then for the second time in his life He would be alone. He gently traced a thin scar along his sister's skin blocking out the images of what Kurt's may look like in a few months. He looked up at the ceiling and for the umpteenth time that night he let himself talk to a God he knew wouldn't answer he knew wouldn't help him. But he knew it was the only thing he had.

* * *

><p>The second room was lit by a flashing T.V. Daisy Anderson sat on the couch her knees tucked into her chest as she sobered up. Still thinking of what had happened earlier what she was feeling. She had gone to pick a fight with William, wanted to yell and scream at him. But when she entered the office all those hours ago, there was something not right. She drunkenly grabbed the diary; William did not respond instead he stared at her as she read.<p>

When she finished she gulped and placed it back down, muttering under her breath, "Oh Kurt poor Kurt."

William nodded in response. "I talked to Mr. Anderson, Burt, earlier." Daisy had looked up in response. "Kurt is going to a Hospital tomorrow," Daisy blinked at her husband, unsure what to say. The silence had dragged on.

"We have to tell…"

"Go sober up Days" William had interrupted glaring at her from behind his glasses. "We will talk about it later"

So Daisy sat for the next few hours, no longer watching T.V thinking and praying for the poor boy who felt so alone that he had to cry for help this way. She prayed for the brave boy two floors above her knowing that going through this again must be harder than she ever thought possible. She thought of her husband and what he must have to feel, researching for a hospital again, this time for a boy his boy loves.

Most of all she sent a thought for herself, she needed to be sober for the next few days, be there for her family, be there for Blaine and William and she needed to be sober to ask her daughter to do that hardest thing Danni would ever do. To face the demons she had faced not even a year ago, to walk back into the walls that where her prison for so long and help a scared and alone boy get out of his head and back onto the ground.

She was going to ask her only daughter to tell Kurt her story.

* * *

><p>The third light belonged to an office lamp. William Anderson couldn't sleep he couldn't think. He had done this before, he had witnessed this and although the death and suicidal tendencies was not that of his own child but as a doctor he was still upset. That and the look on Blaine's face was almost as if he was the one who needed help. Sighing he looked over the pieces of paper trying to get the ringing of Burt Hummel's voice out of his head. He shook it with confidence. He didn't want to feel sorry for a man he had never met he didn't want to feel guilty for never meeting him either.<p>

While staring blankly at the page he tried to remember a bit of the conversation to see which one Kurt would best suited at.

He let his mind take a quick break as he remembered parts of the conversation, like when he picked up the phone and dialed Burt at almost 11 o'clock.

"Hello this is Burt Speaking" The almost harsh voice came from the other end.

William had cleared his throat "Hello, this is William… Blaine's father" There was a moment of silence.

"Is Blaine alright?"

There was an awkward pause as he considered how to say this. "He is as okay as the Situation allows."

"What's wrong, did something happen" William was shocked that some one cared about his son's well being. How well did Burt know his boy? Did he think badly of William because of his reluctance to Blaine's choice of sexual partners or the fact that he hadn't met Kurt or really knew how long they were dating?

"No," He sighed unsure what the hell he was supposed to say. It was so much easier hearing about it then having to tell the news. "Mr. Hummel'

"Burt" Kurt's dad corrected, William closed his eyes and cleared his throat.

"Burt, There has been some… startling news that has reached my ears."

He could practically hear the accusing sound in Burt's voice "And what news is that"

There was a few seconds of silence before very carefully William cleared his voice again. "Burt, has your son ever been diagnosed with depression?"

There was a few more moments of Silence before he heard Burt struggle, trying to stay calm, answer "No"

William nodded and wrote that down on a piece of paper. "Alright, Blaine and your son"

"Kurt" Burt interrupted.

William didn't want to say Kurt's name in fear of making this all too personal. If he pretended that Kurt wasn't the boy his son had been talking about for the last few months then it would make it easier. "Your son, Kurt, had a fight." He paused as if looking for confirmation but it never came. "Today your s- Kurt- gave Blaine a journal of some kind to show what he was feeling to Blaine." There was another pause and then William continued "The last entry gave Blaine and I some worry."

There was a gruff sigh from the other line. "Listen William it is late I understand if you think Kurt is being overdramatic but he's just a kid, I would like to go to bed with my wife if you don't mind."

"Burt, it was a suicide note."

There was silence, silence for so long that William thought he had been unable to catch Burt before he hung up. Then there was a "What" that was so quiet it sounded like it hadn't been said at all.

"It was a.."

"I heard you" Burt growled. "You must be mistaken, must have read it wrong of must have been a English assignment" William closed his eyes.

_Denial_.

"I assure you it wasn't an English assignment Burt" Then there was the Dial tone, the dreaded dial tone and William sat down the phone picked up the packet of Hospitals that he normally sent patients to and waited.

_Anger._

It wasn't even five minutes later that the phone rang again. "Dr. Anderson Speaking"

"What did it say?" the unmistakable growl of Burt rang out.

And so William picked up the letter and read it to the troubled boy's father. After the words stopped from William's mouth there was a deadly silence. "We can do a few things." William sighed wishing he was speaking face to face with the man. "There are a few really nice Hospitals in the Lima area that have a minimum week stay time. They work fast and are usually the most successful for a case like Kurt's, there is of course Therapy which I could easily recommend a few great therapists or you can wake him up now and take him to the ER. They can examine his scares and then send him where they see fit." There was a long silence.

"What did I do wrong?" was the question Burt asked more to himself then to William. "Why, why does he feel this way?" William wanted to interrupt and explain how it was a chemical imbalance in the brain and a lack of coping skills that caused Kurt to feel depressed but he thought better of it. "God, I would do anything for him anything from now on"

_Bargaining._

"Burt, The only thing you can do now is Help Kurt." He was getting tired of the silence, but Burt seems to like it so he remained silencing until he heard sniffing, Burt was trying to keep from crying.

_Depression_

"Sir, what do you need me to do?"

"He's" hiccup "more… feminine then most boy's even compared to gay boys." William knew that Burt was giving him his blessing to find a place that fit Kurt. "So one that would preferably would not have criminals and druggies" William hid a chuckle he knew that much about Kurt already. "He likes freedom so one that lets him has as many choices as he can."

After a little bit of talking about what would help Kurt the most William nodded even though Burt couldn't see. "Okay what I'm going to ask you to do is let him get a good night's sleep it might be the last one for a while." Sighing Burt said nothing "Then drive him to the Hospital I'll text you the address when I find the right one."

"Thank you" The mechanic said quietly into the phone and for the first time all night William smiled.

"Just make sure you tell the nurse who he can call and who can visit I encourage it be no one but You and Carol, I do however ask one thing." He paused. "You do add one name and that would be my Daughter's Danni Anderson." There was a slight pause "She… She's done this before and being with someone who has gotten better may help Kurt."

There was no yes or no just a Thank you and then the Dial tone.

_Acceptance_

William looked back down at his work and let the hours tick away. By the time Dawn was approaching he picked up his phone sent a quick text to the number Blaine gave him hours ago and stood up stretching knowing that he would not be getting any sleep tonight, and dragged his feet up the stairs hoping that he would be able to have a family conversation with every one talking to each other for the first time in years.

* * *

><p>Blaine had drifted off soon after 3, his light still on and his sister still in his arms. But when his phone beeped harshly they both awoke with a start. They stared at the phone as Blaine reached for it scared.<p>

They waited for a moment before opening it and reading the words on upon the screen.

Both with batted breaths and scared on what to say, they looked at each other and Blaine opened it.

_Where is my Dad taking me?_

Blaine didn't know how to respond then another text came in.

_Highlands WTF is Highlands?_

Danni looked up at Blaine confusion written on her face as Blaine stared at the Screen in front of him.

"Highlands?" was all she said and Blaine nodded starting to type a response but then another text came through.

_A Hospital as in Scrubs and Insane people? I ask for your Help and this is where I get sent? Thanks for nothing BLAZE. _

The phone dropped from Blaine's hand the same time a tear fell from his eye.

**Poor Blaine… But then again Poor Kurt. **

**I understand that Burt's convo was kind of fast but I wouldn't know how to react to a conversation like that sooo… yeah.**

**More from Kurt in the hospital **

**I love Happy endings as much as I lover reviews **

**Give me a review receive a happy ending! **


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